Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Good Vibrations

In an effort to keep up with the latest trends and designs, I like to get a new vibrator/toy every month or so. There are always new designs, features and gadgets that I want to experiment with.

Do you remember purchasing your first vibrator? I do. I was 19 and traveled to a shop in Provincetown, of course. This was a head shop, sold mostly hemp items and any size bong you wanted. I made my way to the elusive "back room". I was embarrassed to be there and quickly selected the first vibrator that looked "unscary" and was within arms reach. I raced to the counter, the dildo's hanging from the ceiling hitting me in the head and faced the sales clerk who was wearing black leather pants, had both nipples pieced and a mesh hot pink, sleeveless t-shirt that said "Frankie Says Relax, This Will Only Hurt For A Minute". He barely glanced at me, rang up my purchase and then asked "Do you want a bag"

Do I want a bag? No, I want to parade thru the streets with this thing and announce to everyone that I have purchased my first vibrator. Geez!

I went home and waited for my boyfriend to go to work. I watched his car crest the top of the driveway and raced to my closet to pull out my new toy, tore open the package like it was Christmas morning, put in the batteries and then realized....I had no idea how to use this thing.

Needless to say, I've had some practice since then. For our first Christmas together, TH got me the famous "Rabbit Pearl". That was the "it" toy back then. Every year or so he gets me a little something. Nothing says I love you like the hottest toy on the market!

In the past 11 years I have visited many erotic shops. A favorite is called "Toys of Eros" in Provincetown. This is nothing like the head shop with the hanging dildos. This is a boutique where the sales people are serious and very knowledgeable about the products they sell. If you want to have a in depth conversation on the pros and cons of waterproof mini buttplugs, this is the place to do it.

Provincetown is quite a drive, especially with summer traffic. So, I've become a frequent client at a place that sells erotic toys on one side, jokes and gag gifts on that other side. It's an interesting combination, but they're conveniently located and has a decent selection. It is a bit sticky when you first walk in. You have to enter thru the joke shop side, walk by the sales counter, show them your ID (must be 18 years or older) and then you are allowed to walk thru the curtain to the other side. This gauntlet is quite embarrassing when a family of five is waiting to purchase a whoopee cushion or fake barf and the clerk stops you an asks for your ID. The father looks at you with interest and the mother look at you like your some kind of pervert. After you pick out your newest play thing, you place it in a paper bag and walk back out thru the curtain to pay at the same counter. It is apparent to everyone in the joke shop that you've hit the naughty lottery and have hot plans for the evening.

My latest item is the remote control egg. The idea is that you have the egg and someone else has the remote. Naughty fun while you're out or in the car. It's a small, egg shaped device that you insert and leave there. Don't worry, it's got a string like attachment to get it out. I checked. No need for an impromptu trip to the gynecologist because something got lost up there. Been there, done that. Very Embarrassing. Especially if your gynecologist has a sense of humor and says, "This is one I haven't seen before". That is up there as one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

The package said the remote control works for 15-30 feet. Not true. It's 2 feet tops. And you have to point the remote control directly at your crotch. Not good for being secretive. Hard to explain why your husband is aiming a small, black remote at your crotch every few minutes. And the very expensive watch type batteries only last for a few tries.

It has 7 speeds. The last one is so strong, your entire body vibrates so hard your teeth chatter. Of course, this was the speed that I was on when the remote control button got stuck and involved a hasty visit to the ladies room to remove. I'm sure the other women in the room where wondering what all the buzzing and swearing was about as I hastily removed the damn thing and took the batteries out so it would stop buzzing.

How hard is it to make a decent vibrator?


  1. bahahahhahahaha... :D
    new reader here..waves hello..
    btw did you know they now make one with a button that you push and you get heat.. it lights up and gives nice warm heat where you need it a fun toy for sure :)
    ohh yeh sorry about that hi, my name is tonya and i like to talk about anything also... LOL.

  2. Hey there Tonya!

    Welcome to my crazy blog! Thanks so much for reading!

    I've tried the heated one and the one that shoots heated water. They're both very interesting. The water was a bit weird. The end result like a douching or peeing your pants. Very odd feeling.

    Glad you have an openmind too! Good Girl! There aren't many of us out there! Drop me a line if you think of any crazy subject you'd like my opinion on. No limits, baby! No limits!

  3. Shooting water?!?!?!?

    Good god...I'm behind the times here.

  4. Daddyfiles: Honey, that was like 4years ago. We need to get you up to speed. A shopping trip should be planned post haste!.

  5. Toys of Eros is one of my favorite places, as P-Town is my yearly getaway. I was just there a couple weeks ago having a blast.

    I've got the rabbit and the egg. The thong underwear I bought with the built-in vibrator works from several yards away. We've had a blast out in the clubs with that baby! I've had to take the remote away, because the husband let his best friend get his mitts on it, and he was totally annoying me.

    Love your blog, honey, and I'm adding you to my linkadink!

  6. Hi Lola!

    I have never tried the thong with the attachment. That is next months purchase!!!
    Thanks so much!!!