Thursday, September 4, 2008

No Limits

I have a gift. I'm not sure where it came from (definitely not my mother), but I embrace it everyday.

I will talk about anything.

I will talk about any subject that is brought up in the span of a conversation. I have no limits. I once had a serious 30 minute discussion on the pros and cons of anal sex with a guy I had just met at a business function. We parted ways after he declared me "the coolest chick ever" and thanked me for allowing him to talk about a "taboo" subject with a woman who didn't freak out at the mere thought of it.

Why is it taboo? What is so wrong about discussing subjects that that have mutual interest?

Even I have fallen into the trap of too much information (TMI). There are just somethings you just don't need to know. Like, I did not need to know that my new neighbor (who I had just met two minutes before) got pregnant because she was taking prescription meds and they made her birth control pills ineffective. I really did not need to know that. But I smiled, made all the appropriate noises and walked away rolling my eyes and mouthing OH MY GOD, SHE'S CRAZY!!!

You've got to be able to feel a person out. Sometimes, I'll just throw a comment out into the universe and see what I get back:

"I like to watch porn!"

This is most effective after a group has a couple of drinks. It's a great way to weed out the stuffy people. If someone acts totally horrified, even after they're bombed, this is probably not going to be a person that can handle my type of humor and strong personality. Its best to stay away from this person because I will most likely psychologically scar them with a future conversation involving some topic they will not be able to handle. I'm not saying these people are unsuitable for conversation. I'm respecting their boundaries. A frank discussion on threesomes is not for the weak.

Men regard my gift as a rare commodity. They are tentative at first. But after they realize they can ask/talk to me about anything, the floodgate open and it all starts pouring out. I become a glorified sex therapist and a sounding board at the same time. It got worse after I got married. These rings became a sign that I was unavailable and the need to impress me was gone. They could be as vulgar as they wanted and no harm was done.

Women regard me with either total disgust or guarded curiosity. Some think that I must be a slut if I am willing to talk about taboo subjects in such a carefree manner. This couldn't be further from the truth. I'm just open minded and easy going. People thoughts and ideas facinate me. Some women look at me with a sense of awe, like I'm a bizarre thing that they want to look at and listen to, but not get too close. It's definitely the one of the reasons I have no female friends.

Close minded people beware. Here I come.


  1. 1) It's true that women like yourself are rare. Thankfully most of my friends fall into this category.

    2) When I'm meeting someone I like to test them out with horrifying conversation. If they can't hack it, I don't even bother. But if they can talk about the beneficial effects that interracial midget porn has on society as a whole, then there's hope for a budding friendship.

    Don't change a thing. I love sick/twisted/odd/perverted/crazy conversations with friends and total strangers!

  2. Daddyfiles: Ah...a friendship is born!