- Why is it that fat people always complain that they can't get thin, but when you look in their grocery cart it's always full of processed shit and tons of crappy food? (I love to check out what other people buy in the grocery store. It's my favorite form of voyeurism.)
- When I'm late for an appointment, why do I always get stuck behind some random old guy going 25 mph in a 40 mph zone and when I'm just cruising around I get stuck in front of some young kid who is glued to my bumper because he things 42 mph in a 35 mph zone isn't fast enough?
- When I take my shoes off, why do my feet smell from some pairs, but not others.
- Why will no one go to the King Richards Faire with me this year? It's not that silly and it's only once a year? So what if I want to dress up in a wench costume. It's permission to dress like a slut in a different century and it's the only outfit in the world that will make me have breasts. You get to walk around with a huge mug of beer and a turkey leg and watch people act like utter fools because they've convinced themselves they're actually in Arthurian times. Can it get any better than that?
- Why does my mother call me at the most inconvenient time of the day: just pulling into the office, in the shower, just pulling into the driveway at home, going the bathroom, etc. My life is totally predictable. She knows my schedule, why does she continue to do this?
- Where am I getting all these pens? I have 4 in my purse right now. This morning I had one. If there is anyone out there that is missing a pen, I have it.
- Why does my car still smell like onion pizza four days after I transported 2 pies home from the restaurant? If someone gets in my car with me, they're going to think I have serious B.O.
- Why am I hopelessly obsessed with Jessica Simpson? She is disgusting and stupid. Yet, 2 years ago I dyed my hair super bimbo blonde in a effort to look like her only to call my stylist 3 days later....crying....and ask her to return me to my normal color. Super bimbo blonde does not work with my fair Irish complexion and I looked like a washed out ghost. It was in October and someone actually asked me if I had done if for Halloween.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Just a few collective thoughts for the day.