Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Random Musings

Just a few collective thoughts for the day.
  • Why is it that fat people always complain that they can't get thin, but when you look in their grocery cart it's always full of processed shit and tons of crappy food? (I love to check out what other people buy in the grocery store. It's my favorite form of voyeurism.)
  • When I'm late for an appointment, why do I always get stuck behind some random old guy going 25 mph in a 40 mph zone and when I'm just cruising around I get stuck in front of some young kid who is glued to my bumper because he things 42 mph in a 35 mph zone isn't fast enough?
  • When I take my shoes off, why do my feet smell from some pairs, but not others.
  • Why will no one go to the King Richards Faire with me this year? It's not that silly and it's only once a year? So what if I want to dress up in a wench costume. It's permission to dress like a slut in a different century and it's the only outfit in the world that will make me have breasts. You get to walk around with a huge mug of beer and a turkey leg and watch people act like utter fools because they've convinced themselves they're actually in Arthurian times. Can it get any better than that?
  • Why does my mother call me at the most inconvenient time of the day: just pulling into the office, in the shower, just pulling into the driveway at home, going the bathroom, etc. My life is totally predictable. She knows my schedule, why does she continue to do this?
  • Where am I getting all these pens? I have 4 in my purse right now. This morning I had one. If there is anyone out there that is missing a pen, I have it.
  • Why does my car still smell like onion pizza four days after I transported 2 pies home from the restaurant? If someone gets in my car with me, they're going to think I have serious B.O.
  • Why am I hopelessly obsessed with Jessica Simpson? She is disgusting and stupid. Yet, 2 years ago I dyed my hair super bimbo blonde in a effort to look like her only to call my stylist 3 days later....crying....and ask her to return me to my normal color. Super bimbo blonde does not work with my fair Irish complexion and I looked like a washed out ghost. It was in October and someone actually asked me if I had done if for Halloween.
I know that this isn't my usual banter and content, but I'm uninspired today.


  1. Honey, I'll go to KRF with you! I love that damn shindig despite the annoying crowds. That's why my husband won't go anymore.

    There truly is nothing like walking around with a giant turkey leg in one hand and one of those giant champagne with strawberry drinks dressed like a wench and watching the nutjobs who take it way too seriously. The clam chowder in the bread bowls is enough to get me there!

    My son loves the joust and trying to climb that Jacob's ladder thing. That's it, we're going this year! Thanks for bringing this up.

    The crowds do suck ass, though!

  2. Lola: I haven't been in a couple of years but I remember the annoying crowds. Usually it's better on Saturdays. Some people are working.

    Maybe I'll see you there if I can hog tie someone into going with me! Big K says that it's not his scene and you really have to find someone who will dress up and laugh at everyone with you. I was actually "knighted" for the battle ax throwing one year. (apparently one of my hidden talents. Who knew?) The guys took it so seriously and I was laughing so hard the entire time they were "dubbing" me that they got offended.

    I love the chowda in a bread bowl, but I live on the Cape and we have that everywhere!

  3. My parents always seem to call me when I'm looking at porn online. It's like they know.

    For the record, it's hard (no pun intended) to maintain a casual conversation with one's parents with a boner.

  4. BadAss: So they must call you alot, huh? LOL!

    Parents have that weird sixth sense that never goes away. They know when you're up to no good.
    They also seem to know when you're getting busy, while in the same house with them. You're almost done with a quickie and that's when mom decides to call up the stairs to let you know that she's looking for a measuring cup or some other item that is so insignificant, but she wants it right now. Happens every time!

  5. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I love your new template!

  6. Lola: Thanks! I'm still working on it. There's something wrong with the photo conversion and its making the heading blurry. It's driving me nuts!