Monday, January 19, 2009

It's Official...I'm on Crack

Remember when the lovely Lola sold her soul to the evil, demonic device known as Crackberry. Well, she now has company when she hits rehab. I'm officially a Crackberry Storm user.

The blessed P's bestowed this wonderful gift on me for Christmas. Fancy Pants bought himself one when they first came out and I was green with jealousy. He got it because he had an upgrade available. I was aching to have one but was to miserly to spend $500 on a phone when my currant one was only 9 months old and in top condition. If I had $500 to spend on a whim, you could be sure I would blow it on a pair of Manolos and not a new gadget. So the P's thought it would be a thoughtful present and they threw in a calling plan too. They would pay for all my cell bills. It only took me an hour before I realized that this was a present for them as well. Now that I'm on the company plan, I can't bitch about Partner #3's constant calling. He's footing the bill now. But, I love my new drug and I gave them each a hug as thanks. (See, another New Years Resolution solved!!! I'm trying, people!)

So I have this wonderful new toy that basically lets me take over the world from the palm of my hand. It emails, texts, IM's, browses, navigates, tells time, keeps a calendar, takes pictures, has visual voicemail, plays music, records music, takes videos, plays videos, walks, talks etc, etc.

I cannot figure out how the damn things works.

For 3 days, I wasn't receiving any phone calls but I could get voicemail. I whined to Fancy Pants and he informed me I had it on "airplane mode" (whatever the fuck that is). It's got this fabulous touchy, clicky screen instead of buttons. I use it like a drunken, 2nd grader. My fat little fingers never seem to touch the screen at the right area, thus enabling me to send a text message to Partner #3 that read: "I didn't find it on the agenda. I will put it in the que and sit on top of it." Of course, not trumping the message to Partner #1 that stated: "I will be on top of him and make sure it stays hard" (I'd wanted to say, "I will be on top of him and make sure it stays heard") Spell check didn't catch those suckers.

If I don't have it on vibrate (Ohhhh vibrations!), it is constantly making noise. Dinging, ringing, music, it never shuts up. It snarfs everytime something happens. There is a different sound for every action. The problem is, I can't figure out which action. It makes a sound, I pick it up and spend 10 minute figuring out which function happened. Did I get a text message, an email, an instant message, or heaven actual phone call?

Very often I forget to lock the screen. So, when I jam it in my purse, something will push against the screen and dial someone, text someone or maybe reposition a satellite or two. I swear that this thing can do that.

But, my very favorite part of this beauty is the media feature. I was tapping around on the screen when suddenly a movie trailer started playing, starring Vin Diesel! My phone has Vin Diesel on it and it vibrates.

That's good enough for me!


  1. Tee hee hee.

    Are you and Cheryl one person with multiple personalities? She just bitched about her blackberry on her blog two seconds ago!

    ahahah my word verification is sadliar. I am not a sad liar, at least not about this.

  2. I'm the master of random dialing. Damn phones.

    My Blackberry has the email set to sonar sounding tone and it's going off every five minutes. I HAVE to keep it on vibrate at work. And I HAVE to keep it on vibrate while the phone is kept between my legs (because I can't dig through my purse while driving, of course!) all the way home. So, I totally get it. :P

  3. I LOVE my smartphone, can't function without it. I check my work and personal email, I surf the web, I tweet all on the phone. I haven't gotten up the gumption to actually post a blog on it yet, but I like the fact that I can if necessary.

  4. Oh my gosh that mistake text is HILARIOUS!!

    My husband got a Blackberry from his company. I love that they paid for the phone and the bill, but that thing is always going off! They are texting him stuff all the time! I can't figure out how it works either. A friend called and we missed the call so I went to check the voice mail and I just couldn't find the inbox...and then I was too scared to call back for fear of not pressing the right button and messing up the phone...

  5. I think I nearly peed myself when I read the text message. Cause I in my head thought of the look on P1's face...kind of an "Oh Reeeeally" look.

  6. Congrats on the new gadget, I'm jealous. I want one, can you talk to Jamie and convince him that as a SAHM who rarely leaves the house, it's mandatory that I have one? Thanks.

  7. Oh, those P's deserve some L-O-V-E for that present!

    I decided to hold off on the Storm and see if they find any bugs, but my Curve is my bestest little buddy now that I know how to use it.

    I think they call it the "Curve" because there is a serious learning curve. I hated it for the first few weeks until some smart geeks I know showed me how to use it. Now, it's just love every day.

    Hell, even our new president is in love with his crackberry. We'll be in good company in rehab. Makes me respect him so much more...

  8. I live in fear that my office will make me get one of these. The learning curve sounds like a bitch.

  9. Ohmigosh I got a new phone too, and I can't figure out how to send pictures messages!

    Vibrations... tee hee