Everyone is aware of my problem with bathroom humor and anything that has to do with flatulence. Just the mere thought of it makes me bubble up with laughter. After all, I am a kid at heart.
In yesterdays post, I made mention of the desire to pee standing up thus not to pee on my shoes or make the walk of shame into the woods to find a trees to crouch behind so no one views my shiny white hiney. Fancy Pants was in the middle of reading my post when he suddenly exclaimed "Hey, they have those things for women that let you pee standing up. I've seen them online" (I chose not to questions his knowledge as not to get anymore about why he might have seen them. The boy scares me sometimes)
Curiosity got the best of me and I fired up Google. Sure enough! Type in "girls peeing standing up" and there is information galore!
My lovers, I give you the Whizzy!
Directions: Facing the toilet, stand a few inches away from it. Outdoors, stand with your back to the wind. Move clothing as necessary. Hold Whizzy by the easy-grip handles. With it flat or slightly unfolded, slide either end between your legs until it covers your entire pubic area. Open it, forming a V-shape. Hold it against your body. Point the other end slightly downward. Relax, aim and go! As you finish, wipe forward with Whizzy.
Doesn't it look uncomfortable? If this doesn't work for you, you may like to try the P-Mate. I couldn't find directions for this one, but if in a pinch I think I might be able to figure it out.
I wondered if women were actually using these bizarre devices. Well, I stopped wondering real quick.
These are actually photos of women using these things at fairs and outdoor conventions. I have a strict "No porta-potty" rule. I will not, under any circumstances use one of those nasty, smelly septic coffins. I don't care if I have to walk a mile, in public, holding my crotch. I will not sit over a pile of human waste (that I actually have to see the moment I enter) with a container on my right that the last guy just peed in. NO FUCKING WAY! To avoid those nasty things, I've gone next to cars, in a marsh on the side of the road (ruined a nice pair of heels there) and other really public places.
I might just order this Whizzy thing. Ladies, would you use one?