Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Mommy, The Big Kids Won't Play With Me

It's tough being the only girl in a office full of guys. It's not just the obvious things; not having a penis, not being able to pee standing up, having to yell at them when they use the ladies room and don't put the seat down. Those things I can handle. I'm sure it might be nice to have a penis. I would love to pee standing up so I could just give it a shake and leave, not having to hunt around in the car for a discarded napkin to take on my journey into the woods, find tree to hid behind as I try not to pee on my feet. I'm pretty sure that I'll never get them to put the seat down in the ladies room. That's not as bad as not replacing the toilet paper, which someone failed to do on Monday!
It's the not so obvious things that make it difficult. These guys all hang out with each other in one way or another. In the summer its family barbeque's, days out on the boat, golfing, Red Sox games etc. Most of these activities happen on the weekends. On Monday mornings, they're laughing about this and that, reliving the fun and games. This past Monday, I overheard talk of sledding and the "You should bring the kids over and try out this hill" It gives me that twist in my stomach. Like I'm in 5th grade again and all the girls are talking about a slumber party from the previous weekend. A slumber party I wasn't invited too. Whether or not you were great friends, it still stung a bit when you weren't included.

It seems that I miss out on everything because I don't have kids. I never get the "We're gonna hang out at the beach this weekend with a few of the families. Why don't you come over?" Girlfriends with children don't want to hang out because you don't come with a side of "mini-me", thus enabling a "play date" on top of the girl time. I haven't seen an old friend of mine in almost a year because she is "so busy" with work, kids and all that stuff. You would think that she lives in another state rather than 15 minutes from my house. If I happen to get 5 minutes on the phone with her, she will have news of activities that include her other friend....the one with kids. Apparently she's not "so busy" when it comes to her.

I've never been the type of girlfriend to have the ironclad "no kids" rule when hanging out. Hey, if you can't get a sitter, but you want to hang out, just bring them! I love kids! We can hit the playground, beach, whatever. I'm easy. Just because I don't have them doesn't make me a monster. I have to wonder....if I came in a more traditional package - husband, kids, golden retriever, house with white picket fence & pool, drove a mini van - instead of this package - husband, no kids, 2 high energy insane dogs, house that's filled with loud electronics, guitars & porn, drives a sport car - would I be invited to all these events? Is it the fact that "why don't you bring the kids?" is missing from the invitation?


  1. Kinda / kinda not.

    It works both ways. I don't hang out much with single friends or friends without kids because they can go places and do things at the drop of a hat. I'm at the mercy of a babysitter. And even when I can get out, I have to be home at a certain time to relieve the babysitter and I have to at least be able to fake sobriety when I get there (babysitter = mother in law).

    Also, with your friend, you're probably gonna have to make the extra effort there. My parents get mad at me because I'd rather they come over versus packing up the kids and hauling them to grandma and grandpas. A) it's a pain to pack up kids and B) our house is already kid-proof, theres is not.

    And as far as the guys at the office, it could be as much a guy thing as it is a kids / no kids thing. Throw on a baseball hat, tell a crude joke, and show em you can hang with the boys too.

  2. I know how you feel. My wife is always going out after work, with people that she knows from work, while I stay home alone. It sucks to not get invited places, but sometimes? I enjoy the alone time.

    You drive a sports car? What kind?

  3. Cameron: I don't think the guys at the office is "guy thing" 'cause they invite me to do office stuff. It's mostly when the families get together. We don't have kids, so why invite us?

    Badass: First you find out what I look like, now you want to know what kinda car I're definately stalking me! :) During the week I drive a sporty little VW Turbo. But, on the weekends I get to drive a 2006 Porsche 911 Carrera S. It's an orgasm on wheels, baby. It's really Big K's car, but he lets me drive it if he's using his truck.

  4. I would totally invite you over. We do a lot of things at our house such a barbecues that start out kid friendly, but once the kids go to sleep it is our time to be adults. I think a lot of people who use their kids as an excuse not to do something are just full of it sometimes. My kids go everywhere with me, but they are well behaved and know when to let the adults have some piece and go play.

  5. Hmm, that one is tough. The guys at the office PROBABLY don't invite you over since you're a chick. I've had this happen before and it stung but I guess I got it. Their significant others are probably a twinge jealous of you since you're young and attractive and CAN hang with the guys so that makes you a threat. I've always had more guy friends than girls and it always ended up that way if they had a female in their lives.

    As far as the friend with kids... I get that too. I have young kids and I never see my kidless friends anymore. I briefly talk to them on the phone here and there but it's just not the same. My one friend is kid friendly but she comes over and wants to sit and chat for two hours and doesn't get that I can't sit still and let my two year old wander around and break everything. I don't know that the answer with that one is, I guess just time? Maybe when her kids are old enough to be self-sufficient, she'll have more time to hang? I'm hoping that's the case here. Right now, we have family too far away to babysit often and we have to schedule a sitter days in advance. The days are all centered around the kids and adult talk/interaction is rare. I miss my friends.
    Good luck. You can come hang with my kids anytime but I might put you to work.

  6. I guess it's hard since they are two different worlds. I have no answers for you though. Friends figure it out.

  7. I'm sorry that you are feeling crappy about this. We have life long friends who choose not to have children but we never excluded them for it. Half the time we were trying to ditch our kids to spend time with them.

    Your welcome to come play with us.

  8. I totally agree with Kat. I have a daughter but that has NEVER stopped me from hanging out with my friends, only 1 of whom has kids.
    Dude I can't believe you get to drive a Porsche!! I'm so jealous! :D

  9. PS. Sorry... wait a minute? Where's my comment? I know I left a comment here. Hmm. For the moment I'll assume you screen them first instead of going on a rant about Blooger. What was I saying? Right. Sorry for not including you in my post. I couldn't remember all the sites I'd seen mention the love toys in. Next time.

  10. I can't really relate to either side, because my son is just one of the gang when it comes to our kid-free friends. He rides dirtbikes with the guys, goes fishing, skiing, puts wood on the fire for us ladies, you name it. The boy knows how to hang, and he's only eight!

    Our best friends have no kids, but they come to every party with the breeders and vice versa. They love our son, he loves them, and there's no issues at all.

    I think in your case that it's probably more to do with the ladies than the gents. Lots of women have kids and automatically become "MOMMIES" and can't be bothered with anyone who doesn't have kids. You're better off not having to be around them, believe me!

    Just drive your damn Porshe up here, because we go sledding and skiing and party like maniacs. Kids are not a requirement to play around here at all!!!