How Would I Explain That??

I seek to start the New Year off with a "BANG" in the naughtiness department. (I have been lacking, I know) I haven't begun the quest for my G-spot but I have been surfing some fun toy sites. (The office has been closed for 2 days, people. I've been B.O.R.E.D) I've been planning a trip to the "toy store" and search for something new.

I'm sure all of you think that my house looks like a den of sin. But, in reality, TH and I keep our naughty treats cleverly hidden from the world. The library of porn is stored in Rubbermaid tubs and placed in a closet. To the naked, unsuspecting eye, it looks like storage and not a mini dirty video store. My collection of toys is located in a beautiful woven box (Ha! I said, box!) next to my nightstand. Again, to the untrained eye, it looks like clever storage for whatnot's and widgets. But, how would I explain this?

Yup. That is a sex swing. And it's purple! My favorite color. I've always thought about getting one, but wondered how I would explain it's presence in the house. It could be a comfy chair for reading......maybe. I could always omit the huge stand thingy and have it hang from hooks in the ceiling. That way I could remove it when not in use. But, how would I explain the need to reinforce the ceiling beams? My father-in-law would be all over that....wanting to know why this project was taking place. Heavy plant hanger, maybe?

I've always wanted a stripper pole. Not only is it fun, but apparently good exercise too. The manager at the new fancy gym I just joined was horrified when I asked if they would be offering "Stripperobics". The Cape is so stuffy sometimes.

Anywhoo....I wondered what it would be like to have on in the house.
I found this photo on the net. Why on earth would you put a stripper pole in your entry way? I'm sure TH would love for me to greet him this way every night.

This would probably work out better. In a back room or something. For those of you that don't want to buy an already made pole there is a Web site that will teach you how to make one yourself. Is the internet fabulous or what! I wonder why this task was not listed in the "Daring Book for Girls". It should be!

Still, I don't know how I would explain said pole to the in-laws. For some odd reason, I know my mother would understand. She knows I'm a bit freaky. She tries to ignore it. I've been harping at her for years because she doesn't own a vibrator! Her birthday is on Jan 25th. I'm thinking that this is the year I get her one!

Again, the internet came through for me. I give you the portable stripper pole:

Don't you love her shirt! "Got Pole" I'm totally ordering one!

And for those of you that like to take your show on the water, I give you the boat pole:

 TH and I would be kicked out of the yacht club if we every did this. And again, my FIL would freak! (yes, we belong to a yacht club and only so we have a place for the boat. I wouldn't be caught dead at any of the functions). Imagine if we were docked up and I started dancing to "Baby Got Back", sliding up and down the pole. The other members would shit their Dockers!

I wish you much naughtiness for your New Year!